muchos gracias amigas

the lewis-heckel family is settling in wonderfully. we are thrilled to share the same nest for the first time since january and are slowly falling back into our usual routine

...now if only our furniture would arrive.

i am fairly certain my handful of best girlfriends are the only ones who check this little corner of the interweb but thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your well wishes, texts, calls of encouragement, and support over these last few months. i'm the luckiest.

a love letter

dear chicago,

like all real love stories, ours began with one simple choice. i decided, completely on a whim, that i did not want to move to washington, d.c. after i graduated. to this day, i can't really explain why, other than the fact that i just knew in the bottom of my heart, that my adult life was not waiting for me in our nation's capital. and so, after lots of planning, a few google searches, and restless nights filled with thoughts of "oh my god what am i doing?", i moved to a city where i knew no one. i was 22 years old, i was 1200 miles from my family and my best friends, and i had nothing more than 3 suitcases and my very favorite purple longchamp. (RIP!)

to say it was love at first sight would be a lie. i was overwhelmed - my "extensive" research of random google image searches didn't prepare me for the fact that chicago is actually a huge city. i got lost constantly. i didn't have a car. i wasn't used to public transportation. it was hot. my roommates were strangers. on my third day of work, a 1st grader asked me in all earnest, "why are you so white?" what was this winter i kept hearing about, and how in the world could you wear two pairs of pants to work? what exactly is lake effect snow? why are there signs that said "if the snow is over 5 inches, you cannot park here." uhhhhhh, people drive when there were more than 5 inches of snow on the road?!?!?!?!

and despite all of these worries, and concerns and second guessing, "will this work out" i fell in love with you. i love you because you are a massive city that never ceases to surprise me. i love you because you are beaten down by relentlessly cold and unbearable winters and yet you provide the most wonderfully mild summers one could ask for. i love you because you offer BYOB restaurants, a beautiful skyline, clean streets, and the most beautiful christmas season i have ever seen. five years later, i stumble upon a neighborhood, a restaurant, a bar, a festival, a concert, something new that i've never seen but would love to try.  i love you because you are home to millennium park, the magnificent mile, buckingham fountain and goose island's 3-1-2. i love you because you provided me the opportunity to live in a championship city, to see oprah winfrey live, and while i didn't vote for him, i will always remember how unified and proud chicago was as obama was elected to be our president. i love you because you didn't get the olympics, and so the world will not have the opportunity to ridicule you and criticize you for your shortcomings. i love you because you are a big city with a small town feel. you are inhabited by nice, sincere, polite, and genuine people, all of who feel extremely fortunate to call you home. i love you because you have blessed me with some of the truest friends i will ever have, and at the foundation of our love for each other, is our shared love for you.

i love you because you were the setting for where i fell in love with the man i share my life with. the backdrop to the beginning of our story happens to be the most beautiful and marvelous place we've had the pleasure of inhabiting, and for that, we will be forever grateful.

and so i leave you, just short of five years of our meeting. we have had ups, and we have most certainly had downs, but like all love stories, i know that i will slowly forget the bad, and embellish the good. thank you chicago, for being one of the truest loves i have ever had. i will miss you so.

two years

i answered these questions two july's ago. previous answers can be found here: http://amlchitterchatter.blogspot.com/2009/07/vf.html


1. what is your idea of perfect happiness? saturday mornings with pch and polly
2. what is your greatest fear? it will forever and always be: losing a permanent tooth
3. which living person do you most admire? my brothers
4. which words or phrases do you most overuse? "obvi" and in my old age, i kind of say the f-word more than i should
5. what is the trait you most deplore in yourself? interrupting
6. what do you dislike the most about your appearance? not looking polished
7. which living person do you most depise? blind liberals
8. what or who is the greatest love of your life? patrick c. heckel
9. which talent would you most like to have? i want to write a sitcom, or buy pretty things for anthropologie
10. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i wish i had the patience of my mother
11. if you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? the distance between us
12. if you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? a male penguin - or polly lewis-heckel. she lives the life.
13. what is your most treasured posession? my travels
14. what is your favorite occupation? whatever morgan freeman is doing at this very second
15. what is your most marked characteristic? my curls, or the hair piled on top of my head. depends on the time of day
16. what do you most value in your friends? how much they love pat, because i love him
17. who are your favorite writers? joyce carol oates, ee cummings, elizabeth gilbert
18. who are your heroes in real life? funny, strong women
19. what is it that you most dislike? apathy
20. how would you like to die? in the comfort of bunkies
21. what is your motto? be kind, not naive. & we are all capable of being better than the worst things that ever happened to us.

mickey to my minnie

when i started to date pat, i thought it would be something casual. i was just ending something with a not so special someone, and had zero interest in a serious relationship. i didn't know if i ever wanted to get married, or have kids, or settle down, or do any of the above. and then a very unexpected thing happened. he became the person who made me want to shape my life to include those things i was never sure i wanted. and now, almost 3 years after our first date, my better half has been given an extraordinary opportunity, and it will take us both on a very new, very unexpected adventure. we will be leaving the city where we met and fell in love, and will be making new memories, and new roots in sunny florida. this is the second journey i will embark on with him by my side, and i have to be honest, i absolutely can't wait.

there's a fire

I'm blessed that I have found someone who will love me for the rest of my life. When I look into Patrick's eyes I see our future and the hopes and the dreams we have whispered about, far past our bedtime. I sit back and feel extremely lucky.

And then I realize what it took to get here. I was broken. I believed in the bottom of my heart that I would never love again. Because i was fortunate enough to truly love someone at a young age, i had convinced myself that was it, and that no love would ever compare. And then I realize that this kind of love isn't something that should be hoarded. I am proud that I loved someone else endlessly and I am grateful that while I have nothing left in common with that person, we were so young and so full of hope, that we thought it would work out. that we could will it to work. my heartbreak of that failure to make it work, is something that has made me my 26 year old self. because as bitterly as it ended, i forgive him, and i forgive myself. and there are not enough words to express my gratitude for having gone through that. I survived it; and I have since been able to create a romantic future with someone else.

While I felt at the time that my heart was being broken in half, I realize that it was actually doubling in size, making room to hold the first man who loved me, and the only man who I would ever need.

"sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead."