PLEASE quit your day job!

Art done by Jenni Ritz. Work titled "Bacon Wearing Bikini" coming soon. All rights reserved.

Rosacea

Apparently 45 million people in the world suffer from rosacea. I know .5 of these people. But don't worry you're in good company! According to Wikipedia other people who share this fate are:
1. Bill Clinton (Remember when he had an affair with a 21 year old?)
2. Mariah Carey (Remember when she sold ice cream cones on TRL?)
3. Rosie O'Donnell (Remember when she "loved" Tom Cruise?)

I said brr, it's cold in here.

I wake up at 6am. I make coffee. I shower. I turn on the morning news. I blow dry my hair as I watch the morning weather report. A month ago, I had to swallow the hard reality that summer was over. But this week, this week I am distraught. 22 DEGREES ON THE LAKE BUT IT FEELS LIKE 8? Do you have any idea how cold that is? The cold hits your bones as soon as you are outside and just stays there, it's hard to do anything besides think about how cold you are.

My car is currently sitting in my parents driveway, 12 hours away. And Chicago is not like New York where it’s impossible to have a car. It’s very possible to have a car but considering last year I could barely afford to buy groceries, having a car was a luxury I could not afford. And this year, I’ve decided to do my part in saving the planet, “going green,” blah blah blah.. If you want a truth that's inconvenient, it's not having a fucking car. After a 20 minute bus ride downtown, it’s another 20 minutes on the train, until I get to walk for 15 minutes in a neighborhood that doesn’t consider shoveling the sidewalks a high priority. Smashing 40s in the middle of the street? Now that's a different story.

So on mornings like today, as I'm ice skating to work, I thank God for Uggs. And then I thank Al Gore for inventing global warming. (and the internet, but I'll get to that later.)

Uncomfortable Silences

I am at work today. Shocking, I know. The homeless are still homeless, even the day after Thanksgiving. Aside from watching with disgust as a 10 year old dragged the largest bag I've ever seen down Michigan Avenue (the bag was from the Disney Story and to be totally honest I didn't even know that shit was still open) I have enjoyed a rather quiet morning. With nobody to talk to on gchat (Melissa left me for the gym, Chey needed to watch last night's episode of Greys) and no updates to wwtdd.com, I have decided to dedicate the rest of the morning reading up on my favorite religion and yours, SCIENTOLOGY.

I am a (not so devout) Catholic, and have absolutely no desire to convert to anything else. But it's something about that Scientology that really gets me going. Not enough to jump on a couch, or scream "I'M IN LOVE" at the top of my lungs, or really exert any kind of physical energy whatsoever. That's a lie. I did break out into a short sprint with Josh Jones at my heels when we came across the Scientology Center in Hollywood.

Well the truth is, I got about three websites into my extensive search, found a picture of John Travolta, which made me automatically think about Pulp Fiction, which reminded me that I bought someone Pulp Fiction as a gift and then requested it back when that someone decided I was no longer his cup of tea. Now I usually don't believe in Indian giving (probably not the politically correct term) and apparently neither does he because I never got it back. So I Xed out of it all and ordered my third favorite movie as a Black Friday gift to myself.


"That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence. " - Uma Thurman, Pulp Fiction

kathryn mary collinson

Here are the top 10 reasons why I love Kathryn Mary Collinson...and you should too.

10. She is the Michael Phelps of High School Superlatives.
9. She emailed all of Tri Delta during recruitment and referred to the collective whole as "bias."
8. She alone has introduced the glory that is "gluten-free" cake.
7. She shares the some parental units as Dennis Collinson
6. In the words of Ashley Sansing, "She popped out of patty's womb w/ a six pack and biceps."
5. She might be this blog's #1 fan
4. Just call her Coco
3. She is really, really pretty.
2. Her father has been on the receiving end of our email chain, and still accepts us as part of her life.
1. She could, and probably should, kick your ass.


love you bia.