Tuesday, May 7, 2013

it's a process.

the cutest

i've shared a lot about planning our wedding. about my excitement to marry the love of my life, to finally be a wife, to add a fourth name to my current three.

but i've been frustrated. and wanted to elope. i've had outbursts. i haven't picked my battles. i've cried over choosing the wrong thing and sometimes about choosing the right thing. i've gotten sick to my stomach about the cost of things. and stressed out about everything from the possibility of a hurricane, to the possibility of me falling down as my dad gave me away, to the possibility of our venue burning down.

i have been worrying for as long as i can remember. and why i thought this would be any different is beyond me. 

but then i realized, i could just start saying "no." no to cake. no to a $500 comb in my hair that i didn't even like, but was convinced i "needed." no to high heels. no to everything that i had to think twice about.

and say yes to the little things. the things that might not be for everyone, but are right for us.

yes to taking everything one minute at a time.

 i enjoyed every single second of being pat's girlfriend. even that one time he pissed me off SO MUCH that i left the bar and ran away from him. literally. or the 45 minute el ride from chinatown to southport where we sat in silence, and at the last second i jumped off the train and got into another car. at the time my rage was like the fire of a thousand burning suns. but now, we laugh. it's a part of our story. the bad parts are just as precious to me as the good.

so gosh darn it, i am going to enjoy every single second of being his fiance. and hope that in 50 years, we will laugh over the fact that i seriously asked "can a wedding dress make you feel TOO much like a kennedy?"