Tuesday, May 26, 2015

a quick update

well, hello there. how are you? it's been a long long time and so much has happened. we moved to virginia about six months ago. geez, it has been six whole months. never did i think we would be here but life sure is funny, aint it? we live in a bedroom painted light purple - a color i very painfully picked out when i was 12. and we use the same drawers that until recently held my einstein's uniform, senior prom dress, and wedding veil.

i apologize to those who read this blog and have reached out to me and might not have received an email or text in return. right now, in this space, i'm not going to get into the details of my mom's diagnosis - i just can't. but many of you have asked how i'm doing. and the answer is quite simply: okay. i'm doing okay. i wake up hopeful and grateful. tired, but hopeful and grateful. hopeful that eileen will continue to be a miracle. grateful that my parents are eileen and ross. that they dealt with me from the time i was a colicky baby to a college student who may or may not have ended up in the rockingham jail. grateful that they continue to be an example of true love. two people who quite literally see this world in a different way because of the other. anything and everything i can do right now to help, to make their lives just a little bit easier, i'll do it with a smile on my face and a heart full of grace.

and i'm okay because i go to sleep next to a man who i quite honestly didn't know existed six months ago. and i say that with all the love and respect i have in my heart for him. because the thing is - when something truly terrible happens, you don't really know how you will react. you can assume and you can guess but you really don't know until that terrible thing happens. if you told me in october what was to come i would have told you quite simply: there is no way i could ever ever handle that. nope. i would crumble, be crushed into a million pieces. not be able to function. and yet i can. and i do. and i will continue for as long as possible. and patricio? for six years i've known that he was a wonderful person. but i never knew that he would wake up at 4am on a tuesday to soothe my mom back to sleep. pray the rosary with her. lift her. carry her. change sheets. do laundry. fix meals. bathe her. help me research, "natural ways to address high liver enzymes." i didn't know that the first words out of his mouth would be: "i'll call our landlord" when i told him "we have to move to fredericksburg." no objections. no "well what about me? what about what i want?" he hasn't complained once. he's cried with me. left me alone when i needed it. comforted my brothers and my dad. held my mom to his chest. he's the finest person i know and he married me. he. married. me. the aforementioned rockingham county delinquent. and we, all five of the lewis family, are so lucky to count him as one of ours.

i will try to update here more. but for right now, goodnight. i send you and yours a lot of love on this beautiful night. xo.