Sunday, October 12, 2014

one year down, hopefully a million to go

i can't hardly believe it's been a year since last october 12. both in the way that i can't fathom ever not being married, but i also can't believe that we're no longer newlyweds.



everyone told me the day would fly by, and it did, but i tried my best to be as present as possible. i remember how the comb in my veil was loose and i was getting panicked that it would fall out in the middle of the ceremony. so 30 minutes before we were supposed to leave, my mom carefully took it out of my hair, and sat quietly as she sewed the comb back into that beautiful lace veil; the very same veil that she so carefully picked out for her own wedding day. i can't imagine what she was thinking, and i've never asked her. i'm sure it was surreal. holding something that her father brushed off her shoulders when he gave her away. something that had been with her since before my dad even proposed. (eileen is gangster like that) and right after the ceremony, one of my moms best friends, paula, gave me a big hug and whispered "that veil has been good to it's brides" and she reminded me that it was her "something borrowed," over 30 years ago. 

and i was so so overwhelmed, with everything, but mostly the rain and how there was not a single thing i could do about it. until a little something whispered to me "whenever it rains, you will think of this day" and the funny thing is, i do. when it rains on a saturday i smile and say those very words out loud to the universe, hoping that every bride that is getting married that day hears them. i smile whenever the sky opens up on my home from work and think how excited i am to see pat after being apart all day. and i think how absolutely lucky i am, that the only thing i didn't plan for, is the one thing that stays with me the most. 

i love being married. i love him more now, than i could have ever imagined. i love that it might have taken me a solid 8 months but i fully embraced the fact that i am anna maria lewis heckel (that's right, no hyphen!) i love that everything changed but we're also still very much the same. we watch the same shows, and love the same things. we still find compromise to be our go to solution for 99% of our fights and we try to avoid the words "never" or "always" in arguments. he still hates thai food, i do the majority of our cooking, he walks polly in the mornings, and when we desire alone time there are no mixed messages (iPad games for him, law & order/criminal minds/shonda rhimes television shows for me) 

it's a beautiful balance, being comforted by the promise of forever, but still being excited to simply hang out together. 

a year ago today, i got to marry my best friend. and every day after, no matter how frustrating or hard or difficult it might have been, has been the best day of my life.