Wednesday, August 17, 2016

my girl

July 31

i still can't believe patricio and i are parents. i can't believe i carried a baby in my body for over 40 weeks and that same body was in labor for 23 hours. i had been DREADING labor, i had honest to god prayed for years (26 years to be exact, ever since daniel was born and my mom semi-explained how he got here)  that i would be one of those women who went to the bathroom and walked out with a baby. as luck should have it, that wasn't our story.

when she finally arrived, i remember being just exhausted - emotionally and physically drained from being overdue, the contractions, the drugs, the worry, and fear (your water breaking 8 miles from the hospital is a scary thing yall!) - but when patrick handed her to me it's like time stood still and i was seeing all of the best parts of myself and of patrick in one perfectly swaddled bundle. for the first time since losing my mom i felt complete peace. there's a start, and there's an end, and i had now witnessed both.

i remember her little face so perfectly. she was trying so hard to see me, to focus on me, and trying so hard to catch her breath. we just looked at each other in utter awe until i finally said the first words that came to mind: "i love you little girl, i have been waiting my whole life to meet you."

and without realizing it, that's very much how i feel like i spent the 31 years before eily. i was just waiting to meet her.  her little soul was meant to be on this earth and every decision i made, every mistake, every ounce of heartbreak, of joy, of sorrow, it all happened for a reason and that reason is eily. these five months have been filled with some of the most tender moments i'll ever have. there's also been many incredible highs and equally devastating lows, but i'm so stinking glad she's here.