Tuesday, December 9, 2008

PLEASE quit your day job!

Art done by Jenni Ritz. Work titled "Bacon Wearing Bikini" coming soon. All rights reserved.

Friday, December 5, 2008


Apparently 45 million people in the world suffer from rosacea. I know .5 of these people. But don't worry you're in good company! According to Wikipedia other people who share this fate are:
1. Bill Clinton (Remember when he had an affair with a 21 year old?)
2. Mariah Carey (Remember when she sold ice cream cones on TRL?)
3. Rosie O'Donnell (Remember when she "loved" Tom Cruise?)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I said brr, it's cold in here.

I wake up at 6am. I make coffee. I shower. I turn on the morning news. I blow dry my hair as I watch the morning weather report. A month ago, I had to swallow the hard reality that summer was over. But this week, this week I am distraught. 22 DEGREES ON THE LAKE BUT IT FEELS LIKE 8? Do you have any idea how cold that is? The cold hits your bones as soon as you are outside and just stays there, it's hard to do anything besides think about how cold you are.

My car is currently sitting in my parents driveway, 12 hours away. And Chicago is not like New York where it’s impossible to have a car. It’s very possible to have a car but considering last year I could barely afford to buy groceries, having a car was a luxury I could not afford. And this year, I’ve decided to do my part in saving the planet, “going green,” blah blah blah.. If you want a truth that's inconvenient, it's not having a fucking car. After a 20 minute bus ride downtown, it’s another 20 minutes on the train, until I get to walk for 15 minutes in a neighborhood that doesn’t consider shoveling the sidewalks a high priority. Smashing 40s in the middle of the street? Now that's a different story.

So on mornings like today, as I'm ice skating to work, I thank God for Uggs. And then I thank Al Gore for inventing global warming. (and the internet, but I'll get to that later.)

Friday, November 28, 2008

Uncomfortable Silences

I am at work today. Shocking, I know. The homeless are still homeless, even the day after Thanksgiving. Aside from watching with disgust as a 10 year old dragged the largest bag I've ever seen down Michigan Avenue (the bag was from the Disney Story and to be totally honest I didn't even know that shit was still open) I have enjoyed a rather quiet morning. With nobody to talk to on gchat (Melissa left me for the gym, Chey needed to watch last night's episode of Greys) and no updates to wwtdd.com, I have decided to dedicate the rest of the morning reading up on my favorite religion and yours, SCIENTOLOGY.

I am a (not so devout) Catholic, and have absolutely no desire to convert to anything else. But it's something about that Scientology that really gets me going. Not enough to jump on a couch, or scream "I'M IN LOVE" at the top of my lungs, or really exert any kind of physical energy whatsoever. That's a lie. I did break out into a short sprint with Josh Jones at my heels when we came across the Scientology Center in Hollywood.

Well the truth is, I got about three websites into my extensive search, found a picture of John Travolta, which made me automatically think about Pulp Fiction, which reminded me that I bought someone Pulp Fiction as a gift and then requested it back when that someone decided I was no longer his cup of tea. Now I usually don't believe in Indian giving (probably not the politically correct term) and apparently neither does he because I never got it back. So I Xed out of it all and ordered my third favorite movie as a Black Friday gift to myself.

"That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence. " - Uma Thurman, Pulp Fiction

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

kathryn mary collinson

Here are the top 10 reasons why I love Kathryn Mary Collinson...and you should too.

10. She is the Michael Phelps of High School Superlatives.
9. She emailed all of Tri Delta during recruitment and referred to the collective whole as "bias."
8. She alone has introduced the glory that is "gluten-free" cake.
7. She shares the some parental units as Dennis Collinson
6. In the words of Ashley Sansing, "She popped out of patty's womb w/ a six pack and biceps."
5. She might be this blog's #1 fan
4. Just call her Coco
3. She is really, really pretty.
2. Her father has been on the receiving end of our email chain, and still accepts us as part of her life.
1. She could, and probably should, kick your ass.

love you bia.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

just call me perez..

Fact: I love celebrity gossip
Fact: Anything that has to do with Madonna makes me want to slap Suri Cruise.

If you know anything about me and my love for Suri Cruise you will understand how much I despise Madonna. And here's why:

  1. She sucks at singing, and correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that why she's famous in the first place?
  2. Celebrities talk about politics. I understand that they have just as much right as anyone to express their views. Just because they don't have real jobs or live in the real world, or have anything worthwhile to say doesn't mean they don't have the right to still say whatever they want. But Madonna, SHUT THE F UP. Your opinion lost it's credibility 25 years ago when you were dry humping the stage at the VMA's.
  3. You often speak in a British accent, you are from Detroit, MI.
  4. I blame you for Britney's downfall.
  5. You aren't even a good dancer. You just sort of sway your hips, drop to the floor, and repeat.
  6. I believe the photo speaks for itself.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


today, a resident walked up to my window and instead of waving, decided to say hello by sneezing all over it.

um, god bless you?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

reply-all emails

whoever included the "reply-all" option on emails needs a very deserving
T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U.

the emails that are shared between chicago, new york city, and washington, d.c. are consistently entertaining and a very cheap form of therapy.

as long as we follow the rules:
1. NO politics
2. NO religion
3. NO discussing boyfriends who have opinions on nail polish

and with that, here's to world war 3.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

from home to home..

A week and a half in Fredericksburg..I saw old friends, laughed about old stories, went through old stuff, cried over older stuff, and finally had the nerve to toss some old memories into the trash.

"I always believed it was the things you don't choose that makes you who you are. Your city, your neighborhood, your family. People here take pride in these things, like it was something they'd accomplished. The bodies around their souls, the cities wrapped around those. This city can be hard. When I was young, I asked my priest how you could get to heaven and still protect yourself from all the evil in the world. He told me what God said to His children. "You are sheep among wolves. Be wise as serpents, yet innocent as doves."

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

unemployed & lovin' it

i spent last week with my very bests enjoying charleston, sc. it was so refreshing to be with the girls in this world that collectively understand and appreciate me more than any other people in this world. south carolina is good for my soul, as some of my most precious memories are from the summer i spent on hilton head island.

peace. love. k&co.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

back when i was in college..

..i had to do a blog for one of my polysci classes. while i found it rather silly at the time, i now appreciate the ability to look back and reflect. & there ain't nothing wrong with that. so here this goes.