Tuesday, November 8, 2011

there's a fire

I'm blessed that I have found someone who will love me for the rest of my life. When I look into Patrick's eyes I see our future and the hopes and the dreams we have whispered about, far past our bedtime. I sit back and feel extremely lucky.

And then I realize what it took to get here. I was broken. I believed in the bottom of my heart that I would never love again. Because i was fortunate enough to truly love someone at a young age, i had convinced myself that was it, and that no love would ever compare. And then I realize that this kind of love isn't something that should be hoarded. I am proud that I loved someone else endlessly and I am grateful that while I have nothing left in common with that person, we were so young and so full of hope, that we thought it would work out. that we could will it to work. my heartbreak of that failure to make it work, is something that has made me my 26 year old self. because as bitterly as it ended, i forgive him, and i forgive myself. and there are not enough words to express my gratitude for having gone through that. I survived it; and I have since been able to create a romantic future with someone else.

While I felt at the time that my heart was being broken in half, I realize that it was actually doubling in size, making room to hold the first man who loved me, and the only man who I would ever need.

"sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead."

Friday, September 30, 2011

"i'm glad i changed my major..."

"you can think some of the decisions that i was a part of were the most ridiculous or stupidest decisions you have ever heard but you better know what you are talking about because i will welcome your opinions, but not your uniformed ones." - condoleeza rice

Monday, September 26, 2011

adele is my homegirl

"i let it fall, my heart
and as it fell, you rose to claim it.
it was dark, and i was over.
until you kissed my lips, and you saved me."

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


there really is someone for everyone. 

xo's to pch<3

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

regrets and mistakes

I have learned reluctantly but clearly that love is something you must put effort into, you must be constantly striving for happiness.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

anthro give-a-way

love that anthro. love this blog. love free stuff.

Monday, July 25, 2011

true story.

“He loved her, he loved her, and until he’d loved her she had never minded being alone.”

- Truman Capote

Thursday, June 9, 2011

good reads 2

now that i rely on public transit to take me to work, and bring me home, i have really dived into my "to read" list that was rather neglected while i commuted by car. i have to say, i have not been disappointed with anything i have read in the last 6 months. especially these three nuggets:

1. "i know this much is true" by wally lamb
this baby is l-o-n-g but boy is it good. it is a true love story, and not of romance or happily ever afters, but the love we have for our family. and how hard it is to find that love when times are tough, or when we realize that just because they are family, it doesn't mean they aren't flawed.

2. "the girl with the dragon tattoo" by stieg larsson
read this, read this, READ THIS. dear god, do yourself a favor and read it before december, when the movie comes out. i absolutely positively could not put this book down. and dare i say, i think the movie is going to be incredible.

3. "the poisonwood bible" by barbara kingsolver
brace yourself, i love books with strong female characters. even more shocking, i love historical fiction. set in 1959 in the belgian congo,  nathan and orleanna price move their four daughters from georgia to serve as missionaries. kingsolver tells the story of their tumultuous lives and leaves you with many questions about faith, marriage, and family

Monday, May 30, 2011

like a handprint on our hearts.

as the city of chicago said goodbye to their queen, in the house that jordan built, i watched as countless celebrities paid tribute to the woman who defines "self-made." it's not that i believe every word oprah says, or that i read every book she recommends, but i must sheepishly admit i have been rather emotional about oprah's departure from daytime television. my beloved, does not share this sentiment. as a matter of fact, patrick does not enjoy oprah. at all. and i had a very hard time explaining why i am so invested. i tried pointing at the tribune headline "don't leave oprah, we love you so!" and said "see! the city we love, loves her!" i tried explaining all the good she's done, the money she's donated, the lives she has bettered, but pat politely said "it's not like she's the only person who donates money." which, i painfully had to admit, was true. and then i realized, there isn't one reason why i love oprah. i love oprah, because she is every woman in my life, wrapped into one. she's a woman who loves children and stands up for families, but has chosen to live her life unmarried, and without children. she's extremely spiritual, always referencing a higher power, and yet refuses to call a religion her own. she believes in valuing yourself above everything else, but once a year, she gives you a complete list of her favorite material things. i sometimes think "oprah and i could be friends..." and then i remember that she rubs elbows with julia roberts and tom cruise. she is somehow the most and least accessible woman i know, AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER!
i love her because she makes me think. and she makes me reflect. and because she tells a story of a little black girl, from the backwoods of mississippi, who was able to follow her dreams and make a billion dollars. she did so honestly, with god given talent, and a drive to bring positive change to every life she touched. so bravo, ms. winfrey. & thank you. for making me believe, that on my own terms, i can make my little corner of the world shine a little brighter.
"because we knew you..we have been changed for the good."

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

a tunes

it has been a while since i have done a list, and so by popular demand (one person) here are a few things that are making me want to close my eyes and move my dancing feet:

  1. the older i get, the cooler neil young is
  2. will & kate's first dance as the future king&queen (i personally prefer the original)
  3. can you say girl power?
  4. i also love my pa
  5. because she is that amazing

words to live by.

“We must be our own before we can be another’s.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, May 1, 2011

keep calm & marry the one you love.

"...this was a day when the sense of the proper and the very grown-up outclassed everything, but with a sense of dignity and grace rather than rank snobbery."

Thursday, April 21, 2011

sing song along

pat and i were honored to attend the beautiful wedding of jes and ben, two people we so affectionately call our "couple best friends." since pat and anna became pat and anna, jes and ben have been our go to pair for double dates, dinner parties, loud fights, you name it. we are generally the last 4 to leave a party, bar or any place with 312 and vodka/gin and tonic. i've only known them for 1/5 of their relationship but they are bright lights in my little life.
i am incapable of describing the wedding, so i won't try. i'll let edward sharpe and the magnetic zero's do that.

"Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my ma and pa
Not that way that I do love you
Holy moley, me oh my
You're the apple of my eye
Girl, I've never loved one like you
Man, oh man, you're my best friend
I scream it to the nothingness
There ain't nothing that I need
Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
Ain't nothing please me more than you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you.."

Thursday, April 7, 2011

i'm in love with a blogger?

"Working out party exit strategies before going to said parties is true love."

to my wife has got to be written by pat's unknown twin. hand on my heart, his little notes are things we either do as a couple or pat insists on doing as a loving partner.

Monday, April 4, 2011

this is water.

The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. - Mr. David Wallace

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


A man was given the most beautiful scarf. He absolutely loved it. But, he didn't want it to get messed up during daily activities so he put it away in storage for special occasions only. And instead, he went shopping for a inexpensive scarf that he could wear on a more daily basis. In the process of doing this, his beautiful scarf was misplaced and lost. The moral of the story? Wear your good things now. Don't keep them locked up for later. Live in the moment. -Oprah

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

jim and pam

 i am 100% smitten with a coworker.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

march on

today is the happiest of days for me. it is march 1st. i have survived my fourth winter in the midwest. it is still rather chilly (a high of 40 is cause for me to jump with joy), and i have not seen the last of snow, but the end is in sight. in just a matter of time, winter will be a blur and i will be in love with chicago's weather, and thankful for the wind off the lake that makes for a lovely summer.

it's crazy to think that come may, i will have spent as much time in the windy city as i did in my beloved friendly city. time flies.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


while i loved living by myself, i didn't enjoy grocery shopping or making meals for one. but the flip side is that now i am able to really appreciate buying for two. i find myself looking forward to planning our meals ahead of time, and making my weekly trip to trader joe's and once a month adventure to costco.

however, i still cringe when i see parents coming towards me with their children "driving" their obnoxiously large, kid friendly, carts.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

the avett brothers are legit

Always remember, there was nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name

Friday, February 11, 2011

leonard cohen

"you can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
you can strike up the march,
there is no drum
every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

ring the bells that still can ring
forget your perfect offering
there is a crack, a crack in everything
that's how the light gets in"

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

wave goodbye

from this day forward,  i will make every effort to avoid processed food.

goodbye nacho cheese
goodbye shredded cheese
goodbye mac&cheese in the box (even if you are gluten free)
goodbye pretzel m&ms
goodbye cheetos, doritos, the occasional cape cod
goodbye fast food
goodbye anything that is frozen and then must be microwaved which makes packing a lunch really really easy

um making that last really disgusts me.

Friday, February 4, 2011

my very own time machine

"green eyes, you're the one that i wanted to find. and anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind. i came here with a load, and it feels so much lighter, since i met you. and honey you should know, that i could never go on, without you."

i love that i can listen to this song, and it reminds me of the best summer of my life.
i love that i can remember my roommates singing this song, from their respective rooms, while i blared it from my mac. 
i love that i think about settling into my very own apartment, all by myself.
but what i really love is that gwyneth paltrow won't allow chris martin to sing this song. because it's about another girl. respect.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

take me back to the start.

i had my first "am i old?" moment earlier this week. i was walking by an open door at the city year office, and corps members were hard at work, but had music playing. as i pulled my lunch out of the fridge i heard a song that i couldn't name, being sung by a voice i didn't recognize. i could tell it was new, i could tell that every one of those 20 year olds had heard it before, and i poked my head into the room and asked "what song is this?" their look said, "are you kidding?" while in unison they blurted out the title; a title that my 26 year old brain has forgotten.

and then a funny thing happened...
i. didn't. care. 

i wasn't bothered, not in the slightest. i realized that they don't even remember what it's like to live in a world with britney spears in her prime. their high school soundtrack isn't filled with dave matthews; and they don't remember that overwhelming feeling of hearing what love must sound like, when they saw chris martin sing "the scientist" at the 2003 vma's. because they were 10 years old. and weren't allowed to watch mtv.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

brace yourself

dear k&co,

i can't tell you this in the group email. so i will spill a secret i have been keeping from you. yes, all of you. i have not missed drinking diet coke this month. or diet pepsi. my loyalty and love is now with seltzer water, preferably lime flavored.

i hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me.

loo bird/louis vuitton/loomoley

Friday, January 28, 2011

long time coming

i must apologize to my 3 regular readers, i have had quite the month and blogging has just not fit into my schedule. so much has happened that i don't quite know where to begin. so i will start with the biggest thing first:  

i am back at city year, in an entirely new capacity (praise the lord) but am still working in fundraising. however a dream of dreams came true and i am now a "development manager" which loosely defined means managing corporate relationships here in chicago, and if i do say so myself, it is the bees knees. i can't wait to be knee deep in grants, and corporate sponsors, and special events, but for now i am taking lots of deep breaths and trying to be very sponge-like, absorbing as much as i can after my 8 (sometimes 9 and 10) hour day. plus i have a really cute coworker who likes to wink at me during staff meetings, and when he's not in the office, i get to come home and spill every detail of my day as he patiently listens, and silently supports me.

two friends were engaged within a week of each other. tickets were booked for two weddings. & i can say, without a single bit of doubt or fear or embarrassment, that i am perfectly happy and comfortable with still being a girlfriend.

i turned 26. i haven't had time to process it, or really even consider it being anything other than another year i proudly call my own.

and last, i am one month away from being DONE with my fourth chicago winter. over the last few years i have been asked "how do you do it?" and "does it really get that cold?" and the answer remains the same "i don't know" and "yes, it gets THAT cold." 10 degrees is as miserable as it sounds, i still don't know how to properly drive in the snow, and i remain firm that hell is not hot, it is a balmy 0 degrees, with a -20 windchill. but chicago, i'm here. and i promise, my love for you from may-october makes this all worthwhile. sort of.

Sunday, January 9, 2011