gimme a berger

i am now the proud of owner of the entire series of sex and the city. while i am sure there will be at least another post laying out my favorite parts of the show, here is one of the scenes that makes me fall in love with carrie.




carrie: i assure you, i would have been very understanding
andrew: yea right
carrie: excuse me?
andrew: you all say that, but then you just freak. and get all psycho bitch.
carrie: really? so now it's all our fault?
billy: all we're saying is that there really is no good way to break up with someone is there?
carrie: well it's funny you should mention that billy. because actually there is. you can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman to her face that you no longer want to see her. call me crazy but i think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman, or missing person's report. i think that you can ALL get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the "uncomfortable break-up conversation" because here's what! avoiding that, is what makes you the bad guy. and just so you know allen...
andrew: uhhh andr-
carrie: uh huh! most women aren't angry irrational psychos. we just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. and my point billy is this. there is a good way to break up with someone and it doesn't. include. a post-it!


and this is why when i am president of the united states, sex and the city will be shown in all sex ed classes. right after the condom/banana day .

she looks like...

a piece of bacon wearing a bikini.
by jenni ritz
fall 2008
all rights reserved

goodbye, my friend

I guess all good things do have to come to an end. So with that I've come up with a list of things to thank Highlawn for; the good, the bad, the fannypacks.

Thank you for:
1. Not letting 21 year old Christine O'Brien enter with a valid ID, but accepting her 18 year old sister with a fake.
2. For allowing a certain SK to not leave much to the imagination while dancing on stage to "Crazy Bitch." JMU might be 60% female, but that night 100% of us were lesbians
3. For serving two pitchers per person but having tile floors. So essentially providing an adult version of a slip and slide.
4. For having rude bartenders
5. For having the "corner booth"
6. For serving one person (Josh Jones) 10 drinks at a time; one with a roofie
7. For giving us a North Face fleece
8. For letting 2 girls dressed as Jesus think it was a good idea to smuggle in a bottle of liquor under their robes, and then hide it behind the bar, and then proceed to drink straight from the bottle while standing behind the bar.
9. For not having a dress code. I don't know about where you live, but here in Chicago a bar MIGHT consider 20 screaming Tri Deltas carrying swords, bad for business.
10. For attempting to have a VIP section that was accessible to anyone who:
a. had a wristband
b. knew someone who had a wristband or
c. could say the words "it is my birthday"
11. For making it so we had to arrive by 7:30pm or we were considered "late." Which goes along nicely with...
12. For being the only bar I've ever gone to on a regular basis but never heard a "last call."
13. For giving a certain girl with many many nicknames the opportunity to pull out a crisp $20 bill from her Gucci fannypack and cut the line.
and last
14. For being so understaffed yet so willing to over serve that the text message "I am where the black man sells drinks" was possible.

I'll see you in another life Highlawn...

PLEASE quit your day job!

Art done by Jenni Ritz. Work titled "Bacon Wearing Bikini" coming soon. All rights reserved.

reply-all emails

whoever included the "reply-all" option on emails needs a very deserving
T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U.

the emails that are shared between chicago, new york city, and washington, d.c. are consistently entertaining and a very cheap form of therapy.

as long as we follow the rules:
1. NO politics
2. NO religion
3. NO discussing boyfriends who have opinions on nail polish

and with that, here's to world war 3.