el fin de LOST

If you and I have had at least a 10 minute conversation you know a few things about me. You know that I laugh really loud. You know that I have no control over my facial expressions. You can tell that I do not live in the city to which I was born. And you know that I really really really love television. It can be argued that I become too involved in the shows that I enjoy; but I will only admit that is true when it comes to LOST. From the second I saw the first episode I was a fan. I realized that all the hoop-la surrounding LOST was because it is in a word, awesome.  I remember leaving alumni weekend to finish watching season 1. I would be at Highlawn, 2 pitchers into the night, squaring off with someone who "swore" the numbers had to do with the coordinates of the island. I would pay close attention in my Philosophy classes when the names "Hume," "Locke," or "Rousseau" were used. When moving to Chicago one of the first questions I would ask a potential friend would be "You watch LOST?" After going on my first date with Pat, I remember thinking "But he doesn't watch LOST...."


And so after 6 season, I bid farewell to a television show that really asked the question, "How much faith do you have?" And while I don't know if I would necessarily sign up to protect a light that kept the world spinning, or what my reaction would be if I saw a cloud of black smoke kill people.  I haven't quite figured out if we live by our own free will, or if our destinies have been decided for us. But I do thank the creators of LOST for giving us all a little something more to believe in.

"why do you find it so hard to believe?" -  locke
"why do you find it so easy?" - jack
"IT'S NEVER BEEN EASY." - locke

the (un) friendliest city of them all

this weekend was the annual block party in harrisonburg, virginia. apparently this year things were totally and completely different than they have been in years past. students were "out of control" again, and there was an overwhelming number of people, again, and there were laws being broken, again. but this year, the harrisonburg police dusted off the riot equipment they had next to the "what are mennonites?" literature and took to the streets! to you know, "control the masses."

having attended this event i can close my eyes and remember just how out of control it can get. and chances are fantastic all 30 individuals who were arrested deserved it, but i can't help but ask, does that make everyone who ever sunbathed on the quad guilty? when you put hundreds upon hundreds of young adults in a small area, motivate them with beautiful weather, and put a 25 cent can of beer in their hands, things are guaranteed to get rowdy. throw in an ncaa basketball game, a holiday, a war, an unpopular president, and you have a situation that has erupted on dozens of campuses across the country for decades. open up your history books kids, ever hear of kent state? see footage of college park after a duke win? well maybe you should before you throw james madison under the bus.

for everyone who now thinks we will forever be "tarnished" or that we should hang our heads in shame that a degree from that fine institute of higher learning hangs in our room, you embarrass me. you embarrass me because you see nothing wrong with the fact that 90% of our campus is the same color, or that 70% of our campus is the same gender. you see nothing wrong with the insane amount of money that is put into campus beautification, when the surrounding area is living in poverty. or the fact that jmu greek life makes zero philanthropic contributions to the town we call home for four years.  it was something as meaningless as a block party to make you realize that jmu is flawed.

like it or not, people go to college to receive a quality education while simultaneously enjoying their youth. and while there is no excuse for putting others in danger, or creating chaos, it is inexcusable for individuals hundreds and thousands of miles away to hold their nose in the air and discredit what jmu really is to harrisonburg: the most vital part of their economy.

in may 2007 i drove up and over the mountain with tears in my eyes. i was leaving behind the best times of my life and i was proud of all that i had accomplished. that pride will never fade. jmu gave me an education, and lifelong friendships. both will continue to increase in value as the years pass. and i will be forever and ever grateful.

it's in the number 4

I watched this week's Monday night game with mixed feelings. I LOVE rivalries and I love drama so this was right up by ally. But as a football fan I can't imagine how horrible that game was for Packer fans. And the reason I can't imagine that is because as a Washington Redskins fan I have not had the opportunity to enjoy a winning season since I was five. That's right, I was learning how to spell "Anna" when the Skins went to their last Super Bowl. I was singing "ABC, 123" the last time "Hail to the Redskins" was sung proudly through out the District and its surrounding areas.

So Green Bay I don't think its thaaaaaaat big of a deal that Favre went to Minnesota. Because the entire time you were winning, I was watching the Redskins miss extra points and lose to the Arizona Cardinals when they were the laughing stock of the NFL. Or have the living shit beat out of us by Dallas, at home, on Thanksgiving Day.

I actually think you should thank him for giving you 16 amazing seasons of football. 16 seasons of always knowing you've got a chance to go to the playoffs. 16 seasons of him running around with that infamous pointer finger held high and that darling grin from ear to ear as he threw yet another touchdown pass. And as the man who created his own legacy he has earned the right to finish his career in whatever city he wants. I completely understand his sense of entitlement and as fans who own part of the team I would think you'd understand his desire for a bigger piece of the pie.

And if the pain is too unbearable for you, think about Heath Shuler, Gus Ferrot, Michael Westbrook (perhaps you remember him beating the shit out of Stephen Davis, at practice), or my favorite quarterback of all time, Jason Campbell. Because while Brett Favre was being named Sportsman of the Year, gracing the cover of Sports Illustrated, and bringing you back Super Bowl rings these gentleman were brought to D.C. and then (sometimes not so) quietly asked to leave. As in: "Get the fuck out, you have officially disgraced the game of football and we paid you 17 million dollars to do so." And to top it all off, we're STILL STUCK WITH DAN SNYDER.

Green Bay I don't feel bad for you. Mostly because I find Brett Favre charming and I love watching him play. But also because things could always be worse. You could be a Colts fan circa 1983.

the ninth month of the year.

i've always loved fall, and september is the starting point. it's the month of back to school shopping, block parties, homecomings. well, at least it was. now september is just another month. i don't get to buy new supplies for my office, i don't have a reason to splurge on clothing purchases, and i sure as hell don't live in a world where it's socially acceptable to take a shot of beer every minute for an hour, and then depart my home at 11am with a 6pack of beast ice in my longchamp, holding a mimosa in a solo cup.

what do i have to look forward to? the september issue of vogue? gee great, thanks anna wintour. you see 450 pages of profit, i see 450 pages of why my life will never be complete because the closest i'm getting to couture is watching the contestants on project runway make a dress out of a shower curtain. so guess what september? this month i'm seeing my absolute favorite band of all time in concert. and then i'm going to a little country called the people's republic of china.

SUCKA PUNCH!

paperclip nose

my favorite songs by the recently departed, king of pop

1. the way you make me feel
2. smooth criminal
3. black or white
4. don't stop til you get enough
5. billie jean

1958-2009

dentures

welllllll, i fell asleep 25 minutes into last night's LOST. i was even texting sara questions/possible theories and telling brandon how different this season is from all the others. i see juliet and sawyer drop the l-bomb and next thing i know, its 3:30am, i'm on my couch, and there is a mexi-infomercial on my television. now it took me about 10 seconds to realize that the mexi-infomerical had nothing to do with LOST (can you seriously blame me?) before i eventually stumbled into my room and woke up at 6am ready for another day.


who am i? what happened to the person who would stay up all hours of the night, found sleep to be a nuisance, and could survive a few days with nothing but venti's from starbucks and early morning mr. j's. i'll tell you what happened to that girl.

SHE BECAME AN ADULT

ughhh. i guess things could be worse. i could be rihanna.

gotcha!

candidate obama said he would pull the troops out in 16 months and president obama realizes he had no idea what he was talking about so "i promise to withdraw troops with in 16 months of my presidency" translates into 19 months or maybe even 23 months.

i "promise" this won't turn into my own personal soapbox. i just wanted to document on the world wide web that amature hour starts...NOW!

"The Obama campaign, which relied heavily on new technology and appeals to younger voters, had more in common with the marketing of a celebrity than a presidential candidate. The posters, the logos, the messaging, even the carefully scripted (in a visual sense) public appearances were all part of a carefully managed plan to excite the public in ways that are new to presidential politics. But there is a downside to all this, which the Obama White House has been quick to figure out: the level of excitement the campaign generated is not, in a word, sustainable."-Peter Roff

gimme a berger

i am now the proud of owner of the entire series of sex and the city. while i am sure there will be at least another post laying out my favorite parts of the show, here is one of the scenes that makes me fall in love with carrie.




carrie: i assure you, i would have been very understanding
andrew: yea right
carrie: excuse me?
andrew: you all say that, but then you just freak. and get all psycho bitch.
carrie: really? so now it's all our fault?
billy: all we're saying is that there really is no good way to break up with someone is there?
carrie: well it's funny you should mention that billy. because actually there is. you can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman to her face that you no longer want to see her. call me crazy but i think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman, or missing person's report. i think that you can ALL get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the "uncomfortable break-up conversation" because here's what! avoiding that, is what makes you the bad guy. and just so you know allen...
andrew: uhhh andr-
carrie: uh huh! most women aren't angry irrational psychos. we just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. and my point billy is this. there is a good way to break up with someone and it doesn't. include. a post-it!


and this is why when i am president of the united states, sex and the city will be shown in all sex ed classes. right after the condom/banana day .

she looks like...

a piece of bacon wearing a bikini.
by jenni ritz
fall 2008
all rights reserved

oscar who?

Two posts in one day, first time for everything I suppose.

But this is necessary. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

KATE WINSLET WAS NOT NOMINATED FOR REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

The book was incredible, Kate was better. And Angelina Jolie can go F herself.

"You know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is, however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, they just get better at lying."

goodbye, my friend

I guess all good things do have to come to an end. So with that I've come up with a list of things to thank Highlawn for; the good, the bad, the fannypacks.

Thank you for:
1. Not letting 21 year old Christine O'Brien enter with a valid ID, but accepting her 18 year old sister with a fake.
2. For allowing a certain SK to not leave much to the imagination while dancing on stage to "Crazy Bitch." JMU might be 60% female, but that night 100% of us were lesbians
3. For serving two pitchers per person but having tile floors. So essentially providing an adult version of a slip and slide.
4. For having rude bartenders
5. For having the "corner booth"
6. For serving one person (Josh Jones) 10 drinks at a time; one with a roofie
7. For giving us a North Face fleece
8. For letting 2 girls dressed as Jesus think it was a good idea to smuggle in a bottle of liquor under their robes, and then hide it behind the bar, and then proceed to drink straight from the bottle while standing behind the bar.
9. For not having a dress code. I don't know about where you live, but here in Chicago a bar MIGHT consider 20 screaming Tri Deltas carrying swords, bad for business.
10. For attempting to have a VIP section that was accessible to anyone who:
a. had a wristband
b. knew someone who had a wristband or
c. could say the words "it is my birthday"
11. For making it so we had to arrive by 7:30pm or we were considered "late." Which goes along nicely with...
12. For being the only bar I've ever gone to on a regular basis but never heard a "last call."
13. For giving a certain girl with many many nicknames the opportunity to pull out a crisp $20 bill from her Gucci fannypack and cut the line.
and last
14. For being so understaffed yet so willing to over serve that the text message "I am where the black man sells drinks" was possible.

I'll see you in another life Highlawn...

PLEASE quit your day job!

Art done by Jenni Ritz. Work titled "Bacon Wearing Bikini" coming soon. All rights reserved.

Rosacea

Apparently 45 million people in the world suffer from rosacea. I know .5 of these people. But don't worry you're in good company! According to Wikipedia other people who share this fate are:
1. Bill Clinton (Remember when he had an affair with a 21 year old?)
2. Mariah Carey (Remember when she sold ice cream cones on TRL?)
3. Rosie O'Donnell (Remember when she "loved" Tom Cruise?)

Uncomfortable Silences

I am at work today. Shocking, I know. The homeless are still homeless, even the day after Thanksgiving. Aside from watching with disgust as a 10 year old dragged the largest bag I've ever seen down Michigan Avenue (the bag was from the Disney Story and to be totally honest I didn't even know that shit was still open) I have enjoyed a rather quiet morning. With nobody to talk to on gchat (Melissa left me for the gym, Chey needed to watch last night's episode of Greys) and no updates to wwtdd.com, I have decided to dedicate the rest of the morning reading up on my favorite religion and yours, SCIENTOLOGY.

I am a (not so devout) Catholic, and have absolutely no desire to convert to anything else. But it's something about that Scientology that really gets me going. Not enough to jump on a couch, or scream "I'M IN LOVE" at the top of my lungs, or really exert any kind of physical energy whatsoever. That's a lie. I did break out into a short sprint with Josh Jones at my heels when we came across the Scientology Center in Hollywood.

Well the truth is, I got about three websites into my extensive search, found a picture of John Travolta, which made me automatically think about Pulp Fiction, which reminded me that I bought someone Pulp Fiction as a gift and then requested it back when that someone decided I was no longer his cup of tea. Now I usually don't believe in Indian giving (probably not the politically correct term) and apparently neither does he because I never got it back. So I Xed out of it all and ordered my third favorite movie as a Black Friday gift to myself.


"That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence. " - Uma Thurman, Pulp Fiction